I think we all have those days where things get the best of us...and right now I'm a little bit in that mode.
I've been a bit more emotional than usual (for those of you that know me...I'm already emotional!) and I think it's just because I feel bad and frustrated at the same time (I'm already getting misty as I write this!).
I was sitting watching Colin the past few days during therapy and I just feel bad for him that he has to work harder than other children just to accomplish skills that come so naturally for others. I feel bad that I get frustrated that he isn't quite where he should be at, and I get frustrated that he's been complaining more because sometimes he just doesn't want to do it. I get upset when I see other kids at school Colin's age doing so much more than he can do. I get upset and frustrated when I read about the potential health problems that he may face in the future, especially the big L word. I got upset when I had to hold Colin from fighting to get his blood drawn so his thyroid function can be checked, and got even angrier and more upset when she missed the vein and was just swimming around in his arm trying to find it. I get angry inside when an audiologist is trying to shove inserts into Colin's ear (for the 2nd and 3rd times) when they just. don't. fit.
And yes, I will admit it. Sometimes I do get upset when I think about how things aren't exactly as I planned (only a VERY temporary thing that sometimes crosses my mind).
Now despite my misty eyes I will tell you that this is a temporary period and I'm not like this all of the time. I think being upset, and frustrated, and angry are all normal parts of life and are hard when they hit you.
But I will also tell you that I love Colin with all of my heart and I don't know what I do without him. I will continue to be his advocate, I will continue to fight for him and protect him as much as I can. I will take him to every single appointment he needs to go to. I will hold his hand when we need to get his blood drawn and stick things in his ears. I will hug him when he is upset and frustrated. I will kiss him and make sure he knows how much I love him, especially when he is frustrated. I will cheer every. single. time. he accomplishes a skill that took longer and was more difficult for him than it is for other children. I will clap and say "yay colin!" and truly mean it and I will be so proud of Colin for fighting a little bit more than he should have to.
...and I will always love him.
How can you not love this face? (Thanks Chris for sending it to me at work just when I needed it!)