I can remember growing up and the feelings of anticipation I used to get on Christmas Eve, the night before leaving for vacation, or other big events and how I couldn't sleep due to the excitement of what was to come. I was having the same kind of feelings leading up to going back to work this week except the excitement was replaced with worry about how I thought my life was going to change from being the "stay at home mom" I was now used to. Would I hear my alarm when it went off? What if I forgot something in someone's lunch box? Did Cody have everything he needed for school? How would Colin handle the change? Would Kailey be ok with having a new teacher and now going 5 full days a week? How was I still going to be accessible for everyone? How would I continue advocating for Colin with less time in a day to do so? Would my little baby be ok in daycare in the winter at such a young age? Would I be ready to handle my students coming in mid-year? Would I be able to handle work and home together?
I can sit here tonight and say that we did ok this week. The big picture is ok; we are getting into a routine and everyone is still happy and smiling!
I am so thankful to have the support of some great friends and family who have checked in with me this week to make sure we are doing ok. I am even more thankful to Chris who is my teammate in all this. I am thankful to my mom who made some dinners so that I didn't have to. I am thankful to our daycare and the people that work there who take care of all of my babies (Colin included) when I cannot be home to do so. We are lucky.
Yes, it's hard. But to be honest, the first real tears I cried were today on the way home with everyone in tow listening to Colin laughing hysterically at Kailey and Cody cooing at the two of them. I love my little family and am willing to do what I have to do to make sure everyone is happy, even if it's hard for me. I left work sort of feeling like I never left and went home to some little kids that were happy to see me. All is ok, we can do this!