Sunday, May 6, 2012

I Believe in You

I am so glad I didn't end up writing a post yesterday because my emotions would have gotten the best of me.  Yesterday was one of those days; you know the ones that creep up on you when you are least expecting?  I haven't had one in a long time, not even when we started Colin's transition to preschool and we were presented with a lot of numbers demonstrating Colin's current level of development.  I think the rough day was a culmination of a lot of things; Chris being away, the kids just generally not listening or behaving, screaming kids, ripped apart house, and so on...

When I tried putting Colin to bed last night (after the the craziness had ensued), I spent an hour laying with him trying to get him asleep.  When that didn't work, I tried leaving, but he followed.  When that didn't work, I held the door shut, but he thinks it's a great idea to hit his head on the molding around the door.  After an hour and a half later and he was still wide awake and fighting me, I just started crying.  It was a culmination of the fact that it has been a challenge, that he was beating Kailey up and wouldn't stop when asked, and then I couldn't stop thinking about all of the things that have been creeping up on me but I have typically let just roll off my back.  It was suffocating me last night thinking about the things we are trying so hard to teach Colin, but haven't quite gotten to the other side of the tunnel, not doing something we tell him over and over again, letters, numbers, colors, potty training,  and so on.  I was thinking about all of the things that we ultimately have a lot to help him with and start to question if we are doing enough. When Colin followed me out after all of this, he ended up just sitting with me on the couch and falling asleep with me.  HE made me feel better after the little stinkie's bed time antics started it all!  The whole day wasn't like that either, so I'm glad I didn't post yesterday...

I decided to take the kids up the Turtle Back Zoo with my parents since I hadn't been there since I was a kid.  I had high hopes that Colin would be more interested since it was outside and not dark and confined like the aquarium was.  

Generally the kids were pretty interested in the animals, but Colin definitely likes them from afar.  He does not like to get too close.  One of my favorite pictures from the day was this next one because Kailey looks like she thinks something is hysterical... 

They had a cute area where you could go into a pen and touch the animals so I wanted to try and see how Colin would react.  He walked in with me fine, but when he realized we were getting close he practically jumped into my arms.

When we were done, we went to Nana and Granddad's favorite pizza place that I was at when I was a little baby too.  No pizza for Colin though, just his staple cottage cheese and fruit.

Kailey on the other hand, will eat anything.

One thing that has been cracking me up about Kailey lately is her obsession with hanging things off of her arm.  She is a purse girl and has a little tote bag and new purse from nana and Granddad.  She likes to collect things around the house and put them in her bags.  If you are missing something there are two places you should check: Kailey's purses or behind the couch where Colin likes to put throw things.  


 Today we had the FRA (Family Resource Associates) and Monmouth University Day of Play with the Hawks PossAbilities walk.  We walked two laps around the track (Colin's first year walking!) and then played various sports with the Monmouth athletes.  Colin was all over the place and loving it and even walked the whole 2 laps around the track.

It was a fun day and reminded me of a book the Easter bunny got for Colin this year.  I know that there are days that parenting is just tough and has nothing to do with the fact that Colin has a disability.  However, yesterday was a combination of both and although I had a tough moment, I went to sleep (holding my little boy) and knew/hoped things would be ok.  

"I Believe in You" by Marianne Richmond

You came into our family with a big, big job to do, the one of growing up into the one and only you!
Some days, it's super easy.  And others? Kind of tough. Monday's "bring it on!" turns into Friday's "had enough".
Whether it's sunny or stormy, whether your happy or blue, I'm here to say without a doubt, that I believe in you!
When your project seems too hard, and you want to go to bed, I believe in your smart thinking to learn and grow instead.
When the team you like says "no, some other kid will play," I believe in your awesome skills to shine another way.
When the monsters in your closet seem too big for you to fight, I believe in your true courage to know it'll be all right.
When you make a big mistake or you choose a hurtful way, I believe in your stand-up truth to say what you should say.
When the day dips up and down like a roller coaster ride, I believe in your quick laugh to love the lows and highs.
When you look into the mirror and question who you see, I believe in your true beauty that shines through from you to me.
When everyone else stands tall, looking so tough and strong, I believe in your brave spirit that's in you all along.
When your best friend is unkind or doesn't want to play with you, I believe in your playful heart to find new friends who do!
when learning something new makes you wan to stop and quit, I believe in your great attitude, to go and conquer it!
Your job of growing up takes hard work I know, but each day is an adventure.  Each problem helps you grown.
And I want you to remember, I'm here to watch the ride.  I believe in one amazing you with all of my love and pride!


Jennie said...

You're a great mom, Kelli. Everyone has those crummy days (weeks?). It's harder the more you care. I try to remind myself that frustration that leads to tears is so much better than apathy.

stephanie said...

I so understand! We all do out here! That's what's so great about our community. we're walking the same walk and we've all, at one time or another, just stopped and cried, gathered ourselves up, and then moved forward. And it's usually the child that pushed us to our limits that also settles us in the end! Emmie does the same thing. Some days the frustration level is so high... on both ends , that I just sit and cry. SHE is the one that comes to comfort me.
Great post Kelli

Becca said...

Oh, Kelli, I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. This post was heartbreaking. (((hugs)))

But on the lighter note, it sounds like the walk was fantastic! He looks so grown up sitting on that step. :-)

Ah, your children are beautiful...

Runningmama said...

I am sorry you had one of those days :-( I have one every now and then and it always kind of takes me by surprise. I am hoping today went better for you :-)

Jenny said...

I had a day like that on Friday...As Mom's I'm sure we all do. Glad you are feeling better :)

I loved those pictures of you and Colin by the sheep, lol...Too funny! And Kailey is adorable with her little purse...Russell loves carrying around the girls purses but Brad always takes them away when he sees him with it. lol