Tuesday, October 16, 2012

31 for 21: Highlights and Low-lights (16)

Just with anything in life, parenting certainly has it's really great moments, and those that make you wish you could retreat to your little hole somewhere and pretend it's not happening, that there would be some magic fix to the problem and you wouldn't have to deal with it.  

Today was one of those days that in just a short amount of time, we experienced both ends of the spectrum.  

While I was getting ready for the day at school today, Chris sent me the following picture with this exciting note attached saying "Colin walked up to her and said goodbye and kissed her!!".  He later told me it was one of the greatest moments he has experienced so far as a parent because it was completely unprompted and just showed how much he loves his sister.  It was really awesome as we live for these kinds of special moments.  


Just a few hours later, I went to school to pick up Colin from his private preschool program (daycare) and things were to significantly change.  When Colin started preschool last year, we temporarily had some college students coming to get him off of the bus because we only had a short amount of time left in the school year.  However, since his original school is just under 3 miles (exactly) out of district, the public school will technically not bus him there causing us to need to find a location for him in district.  There were not many options in our town that fit our list in terms of what we want in a daycare facility.  Colin really loved his previous school and was really a part of it while he was there.  We had a really time hard with the transition in finding a new daycare facility because we didn't know anyone there and as with anything, was tough because it was a change.  

However, we were really open minded and knew that with time, we would all adjust.  It did have some really great qualities that we did really like.  There have been some things along the way that haven't necessarily sat right with Chris and I, one of which I spoke to the owner about today.  They are things that I have questioned whether or not it's just me or if they are legitimate causes for concern.

After my discussion, I went to get Colin from the playground and found his teacher walking unhappily towards me holding his hand.  She informed me that Colin bit another student again today (you may recall my post from last week).  I asked her what the circumstances were this time and she told me it was unprompted.  Ugh. I just wanted to take Colin and run.  The incident report said that he just leaned over and bit the student while they were sitting on the couch and she caught the second attempt.  

So, we got in the car and I asked Colin about the biting incident and he just started crying.  I asked if we bite our friends and I got a "nooooo" a midst all of the tears.  There are so many specifics that I don't think would be appropriate to get into in this post, but my Mommy radar is really beeping right now that something isn't right.  I am not in any way making excuses for Colin's behavior because in no way do I want him thinking that biting is the answer.  In fact, I handled the situation by talking with Colin, not allowing him to watch his shows all afternoon until now despite several requests (which came significantly after baths and dinner) and Colin will help write another apology note before bed.  But, the only place Colin has bit has been when he has been there at this place when we haven't even had the slightest issue with behavior in his preschool program.  Considering the rough relationship with his sister at times, he has only bit her once that I can recall in many months (and happened months ago) and of all people, you would think she would get it the worst if if was an all around issue.  I also feel that we would  be experiencing this as an overall problem in different locations if this was a general issue.

When asking him about it, I get this...


...and this (the hands in the mouth are self-soothing)...


...and the hands over the face with tears.



...which continue until....


I remind him that I love him.  


So today, I cried.  My instincts are telling me that something or someone is causing his frustration and instead of handling it with words or other kinds of actions, he has found that biting resolves his issue (again, not ok).  I am crying because I fear that with this being the second time, people are beginning to think that he is doing this because he has Down Syndrome, because there is something wrong and my baby can't tell me what it is, and because I don't know how to fix this right now.  

There are many things Chris and I need to consider and try to find a way to resolve this because as Colin learns how to communicate, he can not think that biting is an acceptable form of communication.  However, I really feel that there is an underlying cause to this that we can hopefully resolve.  Soon.  This mommy does not want to shed any more tears over the stress of this...

Comments appreciated...

7 comments:

Adrienne said...

Kelli...so sorry. I kinda think somethings going on too. Do you think they are paying him enough attention there? Maybe he's trying to get attention. If he's the only one with special needs and the other kids are doing more things than him it's a given that at times he can be left out or left behind. I don't know. I know what you mean about people thinking it's just because of the DS-ugh.

He's definitely frustrated about something though.

I'll email you soon about meeting up!

Julie said...

I'm sending you a FB msg...but I just needed to publicly say "YOU ARE AN AMAZING MAMA!!!!!" XO

Anonymous said...

Hey you and Chris are truly loving not biting parents. We all do things out of frustration and it seems strange that these incidences happened so close together. There maybe a child that already knows how to push his buttons and likes to see others get in trouble. Sorry for you to go through this, sad for Colin to feel frustration and not be able to verbalize, and sorry for the school for not paying better attention to all around. Much better days ahead, and you know that.
Love,
Aunt Nancy

Nana said...

I agree with Adrienne, I feel he is definitely frustrated and upset about something that he's not able to communicate. You've done the right thing with talking to him, having him help write a note, and taking away tv for a short time. He is definitely remorseful and maybe he's just trying to say HELP! Go with your Mommy and Daddy instincts and follow through on what you feel is right! You are all loved! Love, Nana

Alaina and Kyle said...

Yeah I would think something is up as well. Maybe he isn't challenged enough and is bored or maybe he just isn't feeling "accepted" there. I'm with you...he's trying to tell you something. I hope you guys can figure out a solution that will work for you all. Hugs!

Suze said...

Trust your mommy radar and instincts...I have to agree that perhaps something else is going on to cause the biting. Might be an attention thing, or frustration. If its not happening at regular school, I think your concerns are warranted and your radar is right on. Perhaps another child is pushing his buttons in a way that the teachers are not seeing and then Colin acts out later to get back at them? Was it the same child? Sending hugs and hope you figure this out soon.

Jenny said...

Oh Kelli, I just have to say that if you feel something is wrong, trust yourself. You're his Mom. And as his Mom you have those built in feelings, go with them. I hope you guys can figure this out...Seeing those pictures of Colin upset, kill me. He is such a precious boy.