One of Those Days...

I turned on my camera tonight to take a look at my selection of pictures to upload for the blog and I realized that I haven't taken very much lately! Colin hasn't been feeling the greatest because of allergies and every free minute I have is either spent preparing for the next day or getting school work done (or my window of time when I can PLAY with the kids).

* Forewarning: this post may contain some negative material resulting from my frustrations, being tired, and a day that just wasn't how I wanted it to go. *

Couple of little things that have been going on here lately. Colin had a pretty big punishment the other day because he hit Kailey in the head (fortunately, it didn't bother her) and when I told him no, he looked right at me and continued to hit her until I could get to him in time. I put him in his room while he cried, put her in a new location, and went back to get him and make him apologize. His relationship with her is so funny, and I'm sure it's like that with most toddlers (or so I hope!). One day, I can post a video like the one from the doctor's office of them having a great time with each other and then the next day, he is abusing her. This goes with lots of things; one minute he will have a conversation with her and then the next he is pushing her in the eyeball because she got too close.

A lot of times, I try to initiate "bonding" by putting them next to each other while Colin watches his dose of Baby Signing Time. Kailey will try so hard to get him to talk to her, but sometimes, it's like she isn't even there. Men. (wink wink)

When it comes to therapies, we feel like we are on the flipside of where we were. Not too long ago, Colin was getting 6 hours of therapy a week, and now with lots of changes going on, he is getting 3, but not consistently because of schedules and changes and such. It's great on the one hand, but makes me feel uneasy on the other. It's something that you are told from the beginning, "the more the better" and although I felt like it was too much for awhile, now I wonder if we are doing enough.

...For two reasons. The eating stuff is still horrible, although, fortunately he is at least eating again, but it sometimes makes me feel like we will NEVER overcome this. Independent eating seems so far off the radar now. It's exasperating. I honestly wish I could take a nice break from feeding him, but that obviously is something that can't be done! The other reason? I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO WALK! I have been really patient but the anticipation of it happening is eating me alive! When he was 1.5 I used to think about wanting him to be walking by 2 by the summer, by the end of the summer, by the time school was starting!, but as 2.5 looms near I will be honest, it makes me more anxious for some reason. Not to mention, carrying TWO kids around that aren't so small anymore at the same time is really, really hard. The rational side of my brain tells myself all of the time that he will do it when he is ready and on the religious side, that obviously God has a plan for him and for us, but the side of me that comes from my heart, wants to crawl into bed and cry because I am just so frustrated.

I know, he will. He will eat independently. He will walk.

But on days like today, it's just one of those challenges that gets to me. I. want. to. know. when! So, I'll let it go with today and then start all over again tomorrow on a new day.

* Sigh *