Wednesday, September 21, 2011

One of Those Days...

I turned on my camera tonight to take a look at my selection of pictures to upload for the blog and I realized that I haven't taken very much lately! Colin hasn't been feeling the greatest because of allergies and every free minute I have is either spent preparing for the next day or getting school work done (or my window of time when I can PLAY with the kids).

* Forewarning: this post may contain some negative material resulting from my frustrations, being tired, and a day that just wasn't how I wanted it to go. *

Couple of little things that have been going on here lately. Colin had a pretty big punishment the other day because he hit Kailey in the head (fortunately, it didn't bother her) and when I told him no, he looked right at me and continued to hit her until I could get to him in time. I put him in his room while he cried, put her in a new location, and went back to get him and make him apologize. His relationship with her is so funny, and I'm sure it's like that with most toddlers (or so I hope!). One day, I can post a video like the one from the doctor's office of them having a great time with each other and then the next day, he is abusing her. This goes with lots of things; one minute he will have a conversation with her and then the next he is pushing her in the eyeball because she got too close.

A lot of times, I try to initiate "bonding" by putting them next to each other while Colin watches his dose of Baby Signing Time. Kailey will try so hard to get him to talk to her, but sometimes, it's like she isn't even there. Men. (wink wink)

When it comes to therapies, we feel like we are on the flipside of where we were. Not too long ago, Colin was getting 6 hours of therapy a week, and now with lots of changes going on, he is getting 3, but not consistently because of schedules and changes and such. It's great on the one hand, but makes me feel uneasy on the other. It's something that you are told from the beginning, "the more the better" and although I felt like it was too much for awhile, now I wonder if we are doing enough.

...For two reasons. The eating stuff is still horrible, although, fortunately he is at least eating again, but it sometimes makes me feel like we will NEVER overcome this. Independent eating seems so far off the radar now. It's exasperating. I honestly wish I could take a nice break from feeding him, but that obviously is something that can't be done! The other reason? I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO WALK! I have been really patient but the anticipation of it happening is eating me alive! When he was 1.5 I used to think about wanting him to be walking by 2 by the summer, by the end of the summer, by the time school was starting!, but as 2.5 looms near I will be honest, it makes me more anxious for some reason. Not to mention, carrying TWO kids around that aren't so small anymore at the same time is really, really hard. The rational side of my brain tells myself all of the time that he will do it when he is ready and on the religious side, that obviously God has a plan for him and for us, but the side of me that comes from my heart, wants to crawl into bed and cry because I am just so frustrated.

I know, he will. He will eat independently. He will walk.

But on days like today, it's just one of those challenges that gets to me. I. want. to. know. when! So, I'll let it go with today and then start all over again tomorrow on a new day.

* Sigh *

8 comments:

Jenni said...

Hugs to you and hoping tomorrow is a better day! Your kids are so cute even with a glimmer of naughty in the eyes. :)

Nana said...

Hang in there! Things happen when we least expect it! Love, Nana

Suze said...

These frustrations will all be worth it when Colin IS doing all of these things...because he WILL. And I'm pretty sure he is your typical toddler "big brother" being sweet and nice to his sister one day and then beating her up the next!

Becca said...

(((hugs))), Kelli. I think the sibling stuff is pretty normal, btw. Not like I have anything to compare it to, having been an only child who gave birth to an only child, but I hear other people talking about it all the time. Hopefully Kailey will be big enough to give it all back soon...LOL

Colin's development *will* get to where it's supposed to be. I know several children who didn't walk until they were nearly 3, but really, really made up for lost time by practically running as soon as they could walk. Hang in there, mommy!!!

Jenny said...

I know how you feel Kelli with many of these things...Russell doesn't have a younger sibling but we are having some huge toddler issues with biting, hitting, and just being flat out defiant...

I struggle with feeding Russell...I have been meaning to do a post on if forever now...I am struggling with him and sad that he cant feed himself yet...I don't think he knows how to chew so he stores food in his mouth and then chokes...Its really scary for me and I don't know really what to do...

And walking...I was in tears reading what you wrote...When Russell was a 1 1/2 I thought he would be walking...And then maybe by the end of summer...Then maybe by two...But its not happening...And like you said I KNOW it will...But WHEN? If I only knew the when I could relax...sigh...Anyway, I am grateful to you for posting these feelings because I can relate.

Hugs...Hoping for a better day for you tomorrow friend :)

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

Colin is acting just like Sweet Pea when it comes to their younger sisters. She did so well for the first few months and it's only been the last 1-2 months that have shown us this evil side of Sweet Pea. She will be all kissy with Angel one second and plowing her over and laying on top of her the next. I expect this to be typical of siblings, but I really hope it stops soon! Angel is going to be able to protect herself soon and then Sweet Pea is going to have to watch out for payback! I'm sure Colin will too!

As for developmentally...I know it is hard and nothing we can say can make it any easier. You are an amazing mom who is doing all that she can for her little boy and loving him to pieces and that is more than anyone could ask. Try to enjoy the fact that he isn't running away from you just yet! I now miss the days when Sweet Pea wasn't walking!

The Paskins Family said...

I feel for you Kelli - same feeding and walking concerns here. It's really hard to be patient for a long time, but let's try to see what God is wanting to teach us in this. Maybe instead of saying "when", we can say, "show me". Show me what you want me to learn from this waiting....

As for the big brother hitting stuff - I had the same issue with my typical son and Nate. It was really hard - I felt like I had to have an eye on them at all times. What I found helped was REALLY praising any positive interaction they had together. I focused less on the negative stuff (although I always gave just punishment) and really tried to notice EVERY time Cody was sweet to Nate - I still try to do that.

Hang in there, Kelli and know you are not alone!
Danielle

Kelli said...

I feel your frustrations.
The thought of Lindsey being 3 in a month and she isn't feeding herself or walking is frustrating.
While I do know everything will be on her own terms I still don't have to like them.
Good luck with everyting and know that you aren't the only one with the same frustrations and concerns.