Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Purging

Ok, I'll admit it, I have been having a bit of a rough week this week when it comes to Colin and our challenges. I've been avoiding posting about it because I didn't want it to sound like I'm complaining, but the more I hold on to it, the more overwhelming it is. Just like purging your house of the "crap" you don't need, I need to purge myself of these feelings and get myself back on track.
You know what it is? I think we are just in a lull right now of developmental milestones with Colin. We had so many great things happening all at once and while he still does great things on a daily basis, the struggles and challenges are just glaring right at me.
Biggest struggle #1 (always has been and still is...): feeding. Yes, he still continues to come a long way from the days of not wanting any table food at all. However, our variety of things he likes seems to be shrinking and it's very challenging to bring anything new near his face. He is tightlipped to most things, still wants nothing to do with anything with a hard (0r semi-hard) texture (except for the chocolate chips in his mint ice cream which I am convinced he just swallows whole anyway), won't drink anything but dairy at this point (which isn't very good on a kid who has had a little bit of a stomach thing this week), will only self-feed pancakes, still doesn't seem to be chewing (just mushing and swallowing), and every meal is just hard for some reason or other.
The rest of the challenges are just things that I let bring me down, although I know he will eventually do them when he is ready. I know that. I've been there already and seen it happen.
Lots of things have been on my mind lately, are we doing enough, what should we do about the feeding, what if..., what if... and those thoughts can be consuming.
So I needed to do the next best thing....let it out. There, I said it. It's been a rough week and yes , I have struggled with some things. I know Colin will do these things when the time is right. I am proud of what he has accomplished so far. I am thankful for Colin's health, his progress, and his neverending love...
So I'll be back on track very shortly. Step #1 was letting it out (which feels better already). Step #2 is to continue to do what I do best, love my little boy. And step #3...just be happy and grateful for how far we have come.
Thanks for listening :)

9 comments:

Jenny said...

Kelli, I am just so glad you posted this...So nice to hear others have those moments and its not just me. When I post about feeling down I always feel like I have to do another post to justify the first post...A post to explain and make SURE everyone knows how much I love and adore Russell and how no I am NOT sad all the time, far from it! Anyway...Thank you for sharing this...sending a hug :)

Kristin said...

I swear, the last few times we've missed therapy appointments, Max hits major milestones in the lull - like cruising and walking behind his walker toys. His PT laughs and says maybe we should miss more appts. I'm convinced our kiddos are going to do things ONLY when they are ready. No forcing via therapies gets us anywhere. Don't be too hard on yourself. Love is the best medicine and Colin is getting the full treatment!!

Aimee said...

Aw, Kelli- I hate to "see" you down... For crying out loud, I can tell from HERE that you guys are doing GREAT! I think that all kids go through plateaus- I'm sure you've heard the "right when they're about to conquer something big" bit. I can't wait to find out what it is!!! Hope your week gets better!!! :)

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

Thank you for sharing and getting it off your chest. I definitely have had those days...probably more like weeks...or even months...of being in the dumps about something DS related. I know that those times pass eventually, but they are very hard when you are in the middle of one of them. Developmental plateaus seem to be the main time mine come too, but luckily when the plateau ends there is so much excitement and joy that you forget all about it until the next time.

Good luck getting through this one and know that we are all here for you anytime you need to vent!

Give that adorable boy a big hug from Sweet Pea!

Suze said...

Good for you letting it out. I know Colin will get there - consider this a PHASE he's going through, like every other kid - though they don't all go through the same phases either! I feel like I rotate the same 3 or 4 meals for Tommy, and there are days and weeks that he refuses some of them. Then he's back on board...and then off something else. I think I dread mealtimes more than anything!

ch said...

Oh, I just have to giggle. First of all, because Colin is obviously focusing on growing into a handsome little MAN right now. Holy good grief, that boy is all of a sudden just that. A BOY. I can't get over how grown up and lanky he's looking. And, I have to giggle because I live with a kid who allows NOTHING to pass his lips. I have yet to see him attempt to place actual food in his mouth and last night I nearly wept when it took less than 30 minutes to get 4 ounces of a stage 2 strained peas down his 15-month old gullet. Colin is a star and we STILL need to get a poster of that kid for Jace's wall of inspiration. He is still Jace's main motivator...LOOK, Jace! He's just like you! Except he DOES STUFF. xoxoxoxo Doing great, mom. Keep up the good work!

amy jupin said...

kelli, i wish i could give you a hug right now. it's tough, this mommy business. and there are so many things you want for colin right now. they will happen. i promise! just keep on lovin your little man, maybe even take some time off from all the therapies, etc to give you all a well-needed break, and just enjoy the moment! you will wish for these days, one day not so long from now. you really will. enjoy that sweet boy.

Nana said...

Dear Kelli and Chris, #1) No child could be more loved and better cared for than Colin! You 2 have done so much for him, we are all so proud of you. There hasn't been a beat skipped since day one. AND Colin also has such a big fan club between grandparents, aunts, uncles(greats as well) friends old and young! #2) As a parent there are always worries(I know ours are almost 30, 28, 26, and almost 25 but there isn't a day that goes by that you don't worry about something!) You only have to ask grandma that!! #3) I like your friends wish I could be there to give you a hug, just like the other night when you were telling me about your concerns.
Colin will do in his own time all the "things" that you want for him: walking, talking, eating, etc. but one thing he has done well ahead of most children is that he has become the Ambassador of Happiness! There isn't anyone who doesn't smile or wave when they see him, and I know from experience I could be having the worse day and all I have to do is see his smiling face or get a text picture and my day is perfect! We love you all!! Love, Mom, Mrs. Mom, Nana

randy said...

WORRYING/WANTING/WORRYING SOME MORE...universal code for being a MOM...Now for an "I told you so"...thought I mentioned high maintenance worry as the norm BEFORE you were even pregnant with Colin (insert a smile). Congratulations you are worrying perfect and your prize is Colin hugs, kisses, snuggles, wants/wishes for easier and more worrying! Give yourself a break Kelli - when you can - and try to believe that whatever you can't "fix" in the time frame that you would like will be made better with Colin hugs - promise!
By the way, I do believe my "baby" ate two bagel sticks a day (breakfast & lunch) for eight years with lots of chicken nuggets in between - not exactly well balanced - but a case of supply/demand and picking and choosing my battles. Without minimizing your worry of choice at the moment aka Colin's eating - diversity in menu selection isn't all that essential - eventually pancakes will lose its charm for something else.

And because I am such worry in advance pro - remember to give yourself and Colin some flexibilty with skills and such because with the new baby - well some progress might need to be re-tweaked anyway....Oh how easy it is to be giving the "take it easy - don't stress advice" - instead of EVER taking it myself! With old age comes wrinkles - not necessarily any wisdom!!! Hugs to all...stay warm