Purging

Ok, I'll admit it, I have been having a bit of a rough week this week when it comes to Colin and our challenges. I've been avoiding posting about it because I didn't want it to sound like I'm complaining, but the more I hold on to it, the more overwhelming it is. Just like purging your house of the "crap" you don't need, I need to purge myself of these feelings and get myself back on track.

You know what it is? I think we are just in a lull right now of developmental milestones with Colin. We had so many great things happening all at once and while he still does great things on a daily basis, the struggles and challenges are just glaring right at me.

Biggest struggle #1 (always has been and still is...): feeding. Yes, he still continues to come a long way from the days of not wanting any table food at all. However, our variety of things he likes seems to be shrinking and it's very challenging to bring anything new near his face. He is tightlipped to most things, still wants nothing to do with anything with a hard (0r semi-hard) texture (except for the chocolate chips in his mint ice cream which I am convinced he just swallows whole anyway), won't drink anything but dairy at this point (which isn't very good on a kid who has had a little bit of a stomach thing this week), will only self-feed pancakes, still doesn't seem to be chewing (just mushing and swallowing), and every meal is just hard for some reason or other.

The rest of the challenges are just things that I let bring me down, although I know he will eventually do them when he is ready. I know that. I've been there already and seen it happen.

Lots of things have been on my mind lately, are we doing enough, what should we do about the feeding, what if..., what if... and those thoughts can be consuming.

So I needed to do the next best thing....let it out. There, I said it. It's been a rough week and yes , I have struggled with some things. I know Colin will do these things when the time is right. I am proud of what he has accomplished so far. I am thankful for Colin's health, his progress, and his neverending love...

So I'll be back on track very shortly. Step #1 was letting it out (which feels better already). Step #2 is to continue to do what I do best, love my little boy. And step #3...just be happy and grateful for how far we have come.

Thanks for listening :)

Special Olympics' Polar Bear Plunge

In less than 2 months, family, friends, as well as Chris and I, are about to embark on a very *cold* journey as we participate in team CAT Crew's 2nd Special Olympics of NJ Polar Bear Plunge. In our 1st year participating, CAT Crew raised over $38,000 for for the Special Olympics of NJ. It was such a great experience and we were proud to be the 2nd best fundraising team there! To take a look back at our first year, click here.



We are just as excited to take the dip this year and have started our fundraising efforts. This is the letter that we sent out to friends, family and coworkers...

Hi Everyone!

It's that time of year again...time to jump in the Atlantic Ocean in February (*gasp*) for a wonderful cause! It's time for the Special Olympics' Polar Bear Plunge held in Seaside Heights, NJ on February 26, 2011! Last year, team CAT Crew raised over $38,000 in our first year ever in Colin's name.

As many of you know, our son Colin was diagnosed with Down Syndrome at birth. The polar bear plunge is our way of raising money in his honor for an organization that provides wonderful opportunities for children and adults with disabilities. The mission of the Special Olympics New Jersey is to provide year-round sports training and athletic competition in a variety of Olympic-type sports for children and adults with intellectual disabilities, giving them continuing opportunities to develop physical fitness, demonstrate courage, experience joy and participate in a sharing of gifts, skills and friendship with their families, other Special Olympics athletes and the community.

Colin works so hard on a daily basis to achieve skills and tasks that come easily to other children. He shows us every day the potential we all possess to accomplish goals, all with a smile on his face. We couldn't be more proud than to be parents for the most loving and special little boy.

Although I will not be able to fully plunge this year (I'm not so sure Colin's little brother or sister will appreciate the dip very much!), I will still be showing my support up to my thighs. If you are interested, there are several ways you can show your support for Colin...

1. Join our team, CAT Crew! By clicking on this link, you can join CAT Crew and help us to raise funds for such a great cause and take a dip in the ocean in February!
- Click "Join our team"
- Agree to the waiver
- Fill out the page to officially join CAT Crew.

2. Donate to CAT Crew by donating through my special page. By clicking on this link, you can donate to my fundraising page to show your support for Colin. If you are not comfortable donating online, there is an option to print out a form that you can mail in.

3. Cheer on team CAT Crew as we support Colin in February!

Thank you for all of your support that you have shown us so far. Colin, Chris and I look forward to having you join us!

Love,
The Tobins
Chris, Kelli, and Colin

If you are interested in donating or joining CAT Crew, please use the links above...we would love to have your support!!

We hope one day, Colin will be a proud participant of the Special Olympics. For more information on the Special Olympics of NJ, please click here.

2011 Day 1 of Swim Lessons: Disaster

Colin had his first day of swim lessons yesterday for the new year. If you remember from last year on his 1st day , he had a great season of swim lessons. He loved being in the water and when we would get there, he would immediately get excited to get in the pool. This year? Complete and utter disaster.

Unfortunately, we weren't off to a great foot when we walked into the room (it's a bubble) and there was a high school swim team practicing in the pool next to the kiddie pool. All of the sounds echoing in there was way overstimulating (if it was overstimulating for me, I can only imagine what it was like for Colin) and Colin started getting really nervous and clingy. I could not put him down without him holding on for dear life. He seemed to calm down a little bit, and so when Chris tried to get in the pool with him, I had high hopes. I can't say he exactly cried the whole time (and definitely didn't scream), but he had this horrible scared looked on his face the entire time and would not let go of Chris.

For day one I have a couple of theories:
1. Way too overstimulating in there for a kid who is sensitive to really loud noises.
2. The pool was not as warm as it was last year (hence the shivering).
3. I kept comparing it to the bath tub (thinking he would love it because he loves the bath), and I realized that in the bath tub, he is touching the bottom, which must feel really secure. In the pool, not so much.
4. He's a whole year older, new sights and sounds...

So, although I was extremely disappointed (I cried...but there is more to that I will get into another time), I am sure it will get better with time. I just hope it's before the last session!

Happy Birthday Uncle Pat!

Happy Birthday Uncle Pat! I hope you have had a great day!! I love you! xoxoxoxx

Love, Colin

Proud Moment

I'm sure I've said this before but every. single. time. we get frustrated or upset about something that Colin is struggling to do, he comes through and starts to do it!

On Christmas Eve, Miss Kathy came over for PT since we weren't doing much in the morning and she was going to be traveling the following week. We started talking about Colin's improvements towards walking, and I was asking her how she thought it was going, since he really hasn't shown any signs of it other than his length of time that has increased for standing. She was hesitant at first thinking that I would be upset to hear a negative response, but I honestly take the good with the bad these days when it comes to development. I know he will one day when the time is right, but I still am curious to know what his progress is like. She said that since he wasn't making any "cruising" type motions or side stepping while standing, it was probably going to be awhile. I have been happy lately that Colin will attempt to pull to stand more and his length of time standing has increased, so I am certainly not focused or driven by walking just yet. It would be nice, believe me, but again...when the time is right.

Today, Chris was texting me during PT telling me what a great session Colin was having. Of course, I tend to get jealous in these moments, but being the great guy that he is, gets video and pictures for me. So, although this video is a bit long...check out our little boy rocking it and taking his first "side steps"!! I was so proud watching this video when I got home, and the cutest thing was, I was lying on the floor watching it on the camera and Colin came right over and proppped himself up next to me and was giggling and smiling at me. I guess he could tell from the tears in my eyes how happy I was! Look at the cute dancing as well!



I've made a few attempts to get Colin's new (and my favorite sign) on camera lately, but haven't gotten anything very good. Here is a short video of Colin 1st kissing his reflection and then saying "love you" with signing...



And finally, my typical toddler boy, playing with the toilet seat...

A Kicking Baby

I know I haven't talked much on here about this second pregnancy much, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that things are going relatively smoothly and there isn't much for us to worry about. I've been lucky to be healthy and so far, everything with the baby has been great as well.

One thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is a comment that I heard recently. I forget if someone told me directly, or if I read it somewhere, but I have heard that moms have noticed a difference between the "kicks" associated with a "typical" baby and those associated with a baby that has Down Syndrome. When I think back to my time being pregnant with Colin, I felt him moving all of the time. He would get me under the ribs, and I would see him pushing out in different areas of my stomach and since I didn't have anything else to compare it to, I thought he was kicking pretty strongly.

When asked how I feel this time around, there have been some differences to me. I have attributed them mostly to the idea that maybe I am having a girl this time, but it has made me start to wonder a little bit more. In the beginning this time, I was much more nauseas (never actually getting sick though thankfully), I feel that I am carrying differently, it took me longer to "look" pregnant, and I have commented more than once that I thought the movements of this baby were different.

Until I heard the comment recently, I never would have thought that the reason the movements were different were because this baby potentially does not have DS. However, the more this comment has been on my mind, I am starting to notice that the movements of this baby are more severe and are definitely stronger. This baby will often take my breath away by the strength of the kick, some movements are more painful (especially when it forces a lot of pressure to one area), and I feel as though they are larger movements. I am starting to wonder if maybe there is some truth to that statement...what about those of you, what kind of differences have you seen?

Chris and I just recently talked about what it would be like at birth if we found out this baby has DS. It's amazing what a little preparation and experience will do to ease one's mind at the thought process. The way we talked about it was so nonchalant and comfortable because we just know we would be fine. I will admit, I am curious to see what it is like to go through a baby's development that does not have challenges that hold it back, but that curiosity does not take away from the blessing this baby will be to us no matter what...

I guess we can only see what kind of gift God has in store for us this time around...just over 2 months to go!

"Typical"

Doesn't he look like such an angel here??

Well, this angel managed to swipe away his Little People nativity scene (do you see poor Joseph poking out from underneath the couch? Unfortunately, that's where baby Jesus and the rest of the gang are hiding.) and knock some of my Christmas ornaments off of the next shelf...

...knock over and push around his Little Tikes chair...

...knock over these 2 folding chairs that were hidden behind the door to the laundry room (oh, he found them because he wanted to shut the door) from yesterdays Holiday Open House that we had (don't worry, there were no children harmed in the knocking over of the chairs...fortunately)...

...knock over this tray table still set up from yesterday (although this did hit him, he didn't even react)...

...knock over his piano bench, after propping himself up on it (kneeling on the ground leaning his elbows on it so he could play the piano)...

...and completely empty his bin of balls, flip over his step stool, and climb up on the fireplace to read his books...

When it comes to some of these items, yes...we have learned our lesson as to what we can and can't leave out. However, deep down inside, I'm not upset about this destructiveness (especially because he was not harmed while participitating in the destructiveness) because guess what? Our little boy is more "typical" than not...

He is just like every other little toddler boy who likes to explore, try things out, and be mischievious...and it reminds me again that he is more alike, than different!