Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Anticipation Nervousness

When Colin was born, Chris and I were so nervous about everything because we had such a fear of the unknown.  We had no idea where to start or what to do because it was all so overwhelming to us.  We quickly learned about Early Intervention and as soon as the day passed it was confirmed he had Down Syndrome (our lowest of lows), we were on the phone scheduling the initial consultation for an evaluation.  Since Colin was only 2 weeks old, the woman I spoke to was shocked that we were already calling.  

Just shy of Colin's 4 week birthday, a team came out to evaluate Colin and we were so happy because he was so alert and active while they were at our house.  Since it was so new to us, we felt as though we had to "show off" what Colin could do.  We were so happy that he was lifting his head and showing them that he could roll over already.  Things started to feel a little bit better because we had a place to start, suggestions on what we could work on, and a "plan" for where we were going to go.

When we started with physical therapy and developmental intervention, we felt like we had to do every.single.thing. the therapists suggested.  We were crazed with tummy time, clapping blocks, and the exercise ball.  In fact, we would have babysitters and as part of the note for the day we would tell them what exercises to work on!  But, we had a plan and it was relatively easy to follow.  As time has gone by, we have most obviously faced our challenges, but overall things have gotten easier.  We know when it's time to schedule check-ups, we don't fear evaluations because our team is made of our friends, and we just follow the plan.  Most importantly, we just live life and take things one day at a time.

However, Colin is turning 3 in April, which means we have started the process of registering him for school so that he can start at that time.  The butterflies and anxiety and nervousness has started back up again because we are starting a new chapter and are facing so much unknown.  After I dropped the registration packet off the other day, I received the phone call about setting up the meeting to basically tell us that he is going to be evaluated.  I was given a date with a time that fell midday that was relatively short notice.  I explained that I work full time and while I fully anticipate to have to take some time for the meetings, I really can't afford to take a full day at this time and could they schedule it early morning or late afternoon.  I received a follow up call on Tuesday for today (again, way to short notice) and I explained again our situation.  She said she would follow up and I haven't heard back again.

I just felt like I don't want to do this.  I don't want to have to do this.  We haven't even scheduled the first meeting and I am anxious.  I think back to those first few weeks again and know that once we get into this, start going to the meetings, and he finally gets to school, we will be Ok because it will become our new normal.'s just the anticipation that makes me nervous.  I feel like we are starting all over again from the beginning.  I just felt like it was something I had to get off my chest because as always, we will be fine and will figure out what we need to do and will find the best fit for Colin.

 Most especially, I can't believe my baby is approaching 3!


Kristin said...

Oh I know this feeling too well. Max turns 3 end of March and I just can't get over that feeling of how can he go to school when he can't talk? and doesn't sign much? Of course he does incredibly well at his early intervention structured play class - guess the teachers make all the difference! Good luck!

Rochelle said...

Wowie I guess I forgot that he is only 6 months younger than Alayna. He will do well and I hope that your first meeting goes well and quells your anxiety about the new setting.

Sweet Pea's Mommy said...

Tell me about it!!!! I just had the meeting today with our school district to sign the assessment plan. They dropped the bomb on me that there isn't room in the AM class for Sweet Pea so she will have to go for the 12-3 time...she naps from 12-2 EVERY SINGLE DAY! Hello?!?! This should be interesting to see what happens.

Dayna said...

In our state Luke could start school when he turned 2 but I wasn't ready....we waited 9 more months and then took the plunge. He loved school and thrived from the start! Then I wondered why I had waited so long. Blessings on this next exciting part of Colin's journey!

Chromosomally Enhanced said...

I hear ya sista!! we had this transition meeting for Maddie last week...and I knew it was coming that case workers would change and so would therapists...and she is starting school! holy crap school! she is not ready! I am not ready! so shallowly all I could think of is that Maddie needs the perfect backpack! I guess it is my small way of trying to gain control of my own child! hope this goes smooth! smiles

Lori said...

I sooooo know how you are feeling. I was in your shoes last year at this time. It is scary and exciting all at once. But - school will be GREAT for Colin. He will love it, and you will be amazed at how much he grows and progresses. (Of course - you already know this - just reinforcing)
Not sure how things work where you are -- but I am praying that you find the right school and the right teacher - and that all your nerves are calmed.
Oh - and on the first day - have someone with you (a grandmother, etc.) who will be sure to sob and cry -- it makes it easier to NOT look like a blubbering fool when there is already someone else taking care of that role - ha!

Jenny said...

I just love those pictures of Colin... Especially the middle one where you can just look at the baby he was and see the boy he is now all in that one photo.

This post described many of my feelings. I feel like I am finally at a calm place when it comes to Russell's Development and Therapies. I finally feel confident. But just how you described going into a new phase with Colin and school and it kind of brings up those initial emotions...I know I will be there again one day too. Its all a process. I'm glad you shared this.

I cannot believe he is coming up THREE!

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