Summer Happenings

This summer has been a bit different than the ways in which I have traditionally spent my days both with the kids and without.  For as long as I have been living at or vacationing to the beach, I hated missing beautiful days spent at the beach and have spent every day there, or as many as were possible.  

 

However, this summer I have actually tried to change it up a little bit due in part to how I have been feeling some days and just because I have learned that it doesn't always work for the kids to go every day.  While I am feeling Ok for the most part (I actually feel the best at the beach, especially when I am in the cool salt water), it's been nice for us to try some different things/adventures and then give us a little bit more rest time in the afternoons at home. 

Zac Brown Band Concert with Jorie and Zach

 We still try to hit the beach as much as possible because it is one of the most tiring activities the kids participate in, but we have also spent some days in the backyard in the pool or sprinkler. 

Backyard play

 Colin's school program this summer has allowed us some flexibility because it is only 2 hours a day/4 days a week so he is getting off of the bus by 10:20 every day.  For the most part, getting on and off the bus has been going really well (even this morning when we were still in the house when the bus pulled up and we had to run outside). 

An ongoing issue we have still been dealing with is his behavior and it still has a lot to do with his communication.  Yesterday's note just said that he had trouble keeping his hands to himself, but there wasn't much detail on the events themselves (typically it's silliness towards other kids or in response to an action directed at him he doesn't like [which doesn't have to be physical]) and some days there have been notes that implied his transition skills weren't the best (I have a feeling THAT is going to be an issue for a long time).  Last week we had some really great behavior days and then since Saturday they've been more on the opposite side (someone mentioned the possibility of molars coming in and some of his actions have shown that it is a possibility). One day left me crying and then as soon as he saw me crying all he wanted to do was comfort me and make it better.  So, just as we always say, we just keep on trudging through...

His new preferred activity is "cwimbing" up on everything, including my French doors when they are shut.  He runs around and jumps on and off things and will climb to the top of the back of the couches.  Obviously I have to control this a little bit at home but it also makes me really happy to see how strong he's been getting. 

 With Colin at school, I've gotten a little more alone time with Kailey which she enjoys but she also asks where Colin is or when he will be home. 

I've tried story/craft time at the library which was a fun change in addition to a music class that we tried there as well.  They enjoy the different activities and I am reminded that they are always learning in these situations. 

Lots of fun playdates too!

 We've done family walks/runs at the local reservoir...

But no matter what we do, it's still always nice when we make it back to the beach again. 

...especially when Daddy is there with us!

 

We've also joined a new club this summer....the minivan club!  With our expanding family, it was time but I still laugh some days when I realize that I am driving a minivan (but I DO love it actually). 

 

Chris and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.  

 

And, we also celebrated my sister Kim's birthday out at my favorite bar...

 

We've done rides at the boardwalk with friends...

...and have overall, just tried to make the most of our days together. 

 

7th Anniversary

Seven years ago today, in the church we now regularly attend, Chris and I were married with our closest family and friends by our sides.  It is one of those days I can still look back on and remember exactly how happy and excited I felt to be marrying Chris and knowing all that we had ahead of us.  We took pictures on the beach and then partied the night away at a reception hall which is coincidentally less than a mile away from our current home.  

 

 

I am thankful for Chris in so many ways, but mostly because he is one of those people who will do anything to help anyone and he does whatever he can to make sure that the kids and I are loved and taken care of.  He manages to always be present for us even when his schedule is hectic and crazy. He does as much as he can around the house and never complains about it either.  Most importantly, he is the best Daddy ever to Colin and Kailey and I have no doubt that this new baby will think so too.  

 

 

Things are not always easy and we have certainly had our ups and downs but I am grateful for the fact that we always manage to come through on the other side...together.  We support each other, we stand in each other's corner, and we figure it all out.  I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else by my side. 

Happy anniversary Chris!  I love you more than words can articulate and am so thankful for you and who you are to me and the kids. 

Here's to many more years of love and happiness together! 

Preparedness

As he has done every year, Colin is participating in our district's extended school year program.  This year it's structured a bit different as they have gone from a 6 week program, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week to a 4 week program, 2 hours a day, 4 days a week.  I have had mixed feelings about the change but in many ways I think that it's better that he's only going for a shorter time this year.  I think it's important for all kids to get a break in the summer but I am glad for some routine and structure so that it's not a big change when he goes back in September, especially for a full day in Kindergarten.  Last summer seemed a little bit chaotic (it didn't seem as structured as the normal school year) so I think it's good he's going and refreshing skills.  In some ways I DO wish it were as long since Kindergarten will be a big change but I think some of the behavior issues we were seeing at the end of the year were just due to (like all kids) being "done" and needing a break.  

 

Because of all of the meetings we have had this year for Colin in discussing what he can and can't do and what he will NEED to do in Kindergarten, I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed this summer in trying to get him as ready as I can prior to heading off to his new inclusive environment.  I have spent a lot of time on the computer finding different activities working on letters, numbers, sight words, etc. and I try to incorporate them when I can during the day.  This can be very challenging and difficult because I do want my kids to experience summer days at the beach, parks, boardwalk, play dates, and so on (which I find to all be just as valuable as the academics) and then you have to work around being tired and noncompliant.

I know that a lot of people worry about their kids and starting a new school year but sometimes I think it stinks that I have other worries on top of the normal anxieties.  How do we ensure Colin's behavior will be what it should? How do we deal with the challenges that will (most certainly) arise? What if (despite the fact that he is IN an inclusive class) the other parts to the equation aren't doing THEIR share to allow Colin to be successful? What if he really, really struggles with the academics?  What if...?

Don't get me wrong, I understand that a lot of the reasons as to why I worry is due to the fact that we are starting some new and uncharted territory.  I know that in our district, we are choosing the path that is the least traveled so in a lot of ways we need to break the mold.  I read materials every day about the positives and negatives to this and I just worry. 

Every day Colin is showing us what he is capable of and I don't expect anything less than that when he heads to school in September.  He is exerting his independence in many ways and many times a day I am reminded of this when he says to me, "no mom, I do it".  He knows what he wants and he works hard to get it. 

I also know that this will be a new environment than what he is working in so in many ways, that will be really good for him.  I just want what we all want for our kids; for him to be happy and successful.  In getting that though, I just hope that I am doing *enough* this summer so that he is ready...

Just for Fun

Just for fun....

MVI 6758 from Kelli Tobin on Vimeo.

Pledge of Allegiance from Kelli Tobin on Vimeo.

Colin's Socialization Skills

When you have a child with special needs that is in the school district, they get assessed on everything, right down to their social skills, self-help skills, etc.  Even though all of these areas are assessed and given a numerical value, these are all often things that Chris and I observe on a regular basis with him and is not something we need a number to tell us where his strengths and weaknesses lie.  

 

Throughout the past 2 years while in preschool, a common theme that would show up in discussions about Colin in meetings regarding his socialization was that he would often prefer to seek out conversation or activity with the adults in the classroom versus the kids his own age.  They would also discuss that this was something they were working on, particularly in centers, in teaching Colin how to approach a child his own age, initiate conversation and play with them. 

Chris and I have always noticed that Colin has had difficulty when it came to his socialization skills.  When Kailey first came home as a baby (Colin was just shy of his 2nd birthday) it took a really long time before Colin would even acknowledge her existence.  He seemed to show no interest in the fact that she now lived in our house and was not very apt to help or interact with her.  While I know this is actually pretty common in general with kids around that age, we were very observant of this.  I would say that it really took almost 6 months (when Kailey became more interactive) for him to really start to initiate any sort of play with her.  Through the years, we have watched their relationship change and grow and have seen the biggest change in the past year.  They would often have a lot of parallel play while together, but this slowly started to change and now we see really great socialization between the two of them in ways that are initiated from BOTH of them.  Originally, Kailey was always the boss and created the activity but we now find that Colin will initiate more activities and tell Kailey what he wants of her.  For the most part, they play really well together both structurally and imaginatively and it makes us feel encouraged.  We know that Colin feels the most comfortable with her so we are hoping that he will slowly take the skills he has learned by playing with her and apply them socially when at school or in other places. 

For years now, I have always been the most observant in the ways in which Colin socializes with kids his own age in settings in which we have set up with friends of ours.  We feel lucky that Colin and Kailey have a lot of really great friends that they have playdates with and play with on a semi-regular basis.  However, I am always acutely aware of Colin's difficulties when it comes to even these settings.  For the most part, we have always been able to attribute these difficulties to the fact that his communication has never been on the same level as peers his own age.  Overall, kids don't really pay attention to this and have an ability to continue on regardless.  I have had kids ask me why Colin doesn't talk as well as they have gotten older, but this is quite limited.  However, even now when Colin's communication is booming, he still has difficulties having a conversation or playing with a peer because when asked questions or spoken to, he often can't answer in the way that another child would typically answer or continue to carry on this conversation.  I think this causes difficulty in sustaining an interaction and causes others to lose interest (or Colin himself). 

I think because of this, we will often find Colin choosing to play independently off by himself when the rest of the kids may be grouped somewhere else.  This is something I have always noticed whether it be in this type of more social situation or in the classroom (both in public school or daycare). 

While I understand that even this is something Colin just needs to continue to work on and practice with, it can be difficult for me at times to observe and see him off by himself.  I feel bad for him that something as simple as interacting with peers is a challenge and I hope that as time goes by and other areas start to improve, this will as well.  I feel the worst for him when he DOES try to initiate conversation and he isn't heard or understood and then his attempts "fizzle out" and one or both of the kids involved lose interest and move on to something else. 

Instead of letting Colin just go and play in the ways he wants to, I often have to closely monitor him and make sure that he is also playing appropriately when he is actually interacting.  For example, some of the behaviors I talked about yesterday will start to emerge when he is just trying to be silly, but in certain situations this is not always appropriate and other kids don't always like it. 

Just like most areas of development, we will continue to work with Colin on this and help him so that one day, this comes naturally to him just like all of the rest.  I get the most excited when I see great, positive interaction with Colin and other kids because I really start to feel encouraged.

As I mentioned before, we feel encouraged because of how his socialization is improving right in our own home so we are looking forward to those same skills being used outside in more social situations.  We will find that when Colin will come and ask me or Chris to do something, if we remind him or ask him to find Kailey and ask her, it's almost like a lightbulb clicks on and he will react with "oh, ok!" and then find her.  This has also taken some learning on Kailey's part and SHE often has to be reminded that she's not always the one in charge and that it's ok for Colin to initiate something once in awhile. 

Again, this is ANOTHER reason why the inclusive Kindergarten environment is important to us so even something as simple as socialization will continue to be worked on with Colin.  Sometimes the best teachers are your fellow peers...

Colin's Behaviors

Like most children, one of the things that we are ALWAYS working on with Colin is his behavior.  It is always a work in progress for us because how Colin reacts to different things can change from day to day and how we can handle particular behaviors also changes.  It can be difficult at times because there really are no significant rewards that we can use that motivate him (reward charts, stickers, even toys) because he is pretty simple in terms of what he likes.  What might work for us one day might not work the next.  What we find to be the most consistent reward that works is praise; Colin really likes to be praised by clapping, cheering, high-fives, etc. for what he has done correctly and that seems to be the biggest motivator for him of all.  

 

Through the years, we have found that a lot of the reasons for many of Colin's behaviors has to do with his progressing communication skills.  We have found that because he can not adequately express what he likes and doesn't like at times, he resorts to something more physical to handle a situation.  For example, one of the common behaviors we dealt with both at school at home was Colin being unable to explain to someone when he doesn't like them in his personal space (on the bus, circle time, etc.).  If someone would get too close or touch him (even in a playful manner) he would react by pushing, swatting, poking, etc.   Fortunately, his physical behaviors never intend to harm someone else (his teacher would let us know when this would happen at school) and when analyzing situations that have arisen, we can understand why he has done some of the things that he has done.  We know that this doesn't make it right, but then we can use these situations as teaching tools to hopefully prevent them in the future. 

We also find that another source of Colin's behaviors is often the fact that he is a very typical toddler boy who likes to be silly and goofy or do what he has seen other kids/adults do.  Unfortunately (referencing the previous paragraph), sometimes the pushing, poking, swatting are things that WE have done in a playful manner with him and then he has repeated these behaviors being silly in situations where other kids may not like it or understand why HE is doing it.  Chris and I have to be really careful in the ways in which we play with Colin because he observes and then repeats.  For example, one day a month or so ago, Colin and I were playing around the house and I put my hands/thumbs on my face and made the silly face you see Colin making in the next picture antagonizing him in a way to show that he couldn't catch me.  Colin has now taken that behavior and uses it in situations that are not always appropriate.  For example, if we ask Colin to "stop" because he is walking somewhere dangerous, where he shouldn't be, or simply away from us he will turn and make this silly face and then run on purpose.  We KNOW he isn't running to strictly get away from us, but has learned (from me) that this silly face is a way to antagonize someone and then run to be silly.  Another example of this is when Chris has poked Colin playfully and then we find that Colin has taken this behavior and done it to someone else when it is not appropriate. 

 

We find that our biggest challenges with Colin's behavior arise during his non-preferred activities (using the potty, academics he doesn't particularly like, playing with a toy/game that we want him to, centers at school that he isn't interested in, transitioning to a new activity when he isn't ready, etc.).  This is something we have dealt with both at home at school pretty consistently and the one behavior that is always causing us to "reinvent the wheel".  



 

Sometimes, you can liken these behaviors to being "stubborn" but we know it's mostly just because it's simply something he doesn't want to do so he isn't going to.  At school, they would see this behavior arising during transitions to individual therapies (being pulled out of a preferred classroom activity to leave the room and go to a therapy) and we would be in constant communication with the therapists to try and find ways to combat this.  One way we handled this was with speech therapy, we switched two of his sessions to a group therapy because they found that it helped for Colin to leave the room with other students so that he was not always the only one.  The physical therapist would also use other students as a motivator because she would praise the kids that were doing what she would ask and then when Colin realized he wanted the same praise, he would often complete the task asked of him.  

 

During his IEP meetings at the end of the year this year, we tried to get it so that some of his therapies were "push-ins" where the therapist would go into the classroom during his scheduled time. We have read and listened to others' experiences with this where the therapist would work with the student during a classroom activity that appropriately fit the therapist's area of expertise.  Right now, the school is telling us it can't be done, but I have talked to administrators and therapists in other districts who say it can be but it does take collaborative planning on the teachers and therapists part.  We know this isn't always easy but I am going to keep that idea on the backburner if we start seeing these behaviors again. 

Since a lot of Colin's preschool education was center-based, we found that sometimes Colin's behaviors were due to not wanting to transition to the next center from one that he was currently enjoying.  One method we learned from Colin's teacher is positive reinforcement for all of the students who do listen and follow the directions and then a lot of the times, Colin will follow suit because he wants the same praise as well.  I am able to use this a lot at home with Kailey (as long as she is cooperating) successfully because I will exaggerate the praise for Kailey and then Colin will comply because he wants the same from me as well. 

Day to day I can honestly say that overall, Colin's behaviors are pretty good but I would attribute it to the work that Chris and I have to do on a daily basis to make sure they ARE pretty good.  Many days I can sit down at the end of the day and say to myself that overall the day went pretty well (even though it was exhausting).  However, there a lot of times that I wish things were a little easier as I watch my friends of "typical" kids deal with more common toddler behaviors.  While every parent has to deal with behaviors all day long, there are aspects of Colin's behaviors that are more challenging and require us to stay on top of him all day long teaching him the right and wrong ways to handle situations.  While Kailey has some of her own challenging behaviors, we can often handle things with her in ways that are not as time consuming as they are with Colin.  For example, something as simple as asking Kailey to stop doing something she isn't supposed to be we can use the common phrase "on the count of 3, if you don't stop/do what I ask then you will go in time out" and 99% of the time she will comply before we hit 3.  This DOESN'T work with Colin and we have to use different methods to get him to comply.  An example of this is on the beach.  Colin will often decide that he wants to walk to the back of the beach, go down by the water, etc. We have been working on this for a long time in teaching him that it's not ok to just walk away.  There are many days I have to get him and bring him back and remind him of this over and over again.  However, there are also many days that if I ask him to stop and come back to wait for us, he will quickly comply.

One of the things we have always had to do with Colin is just remain consistent.  If we ask him to pick something up and he won't, we might have to ask numerous times until he follows through and if he still doesn't, then we may have to hold his hand, ask again, and lead him to the area in which we want him to complete the task.  This can be really frustrating (especially when he flops) but we also don't want to give up on it and have him think he "won". 

It is really easy for me to keep my patience when I remind myself why he has some of the behaviors he does, but that's not to say that I DON'T lose my patience a lot of days as well.  It can be really frustrating/exhausting when you have to do the same things over and over again but that's just the way that Colin learns. 

In selecting an inclusive Kindergarten class for Colin, we are hoping that he will see what "typical" behaviors look like in the classroom.  One thing we explained in that last IEP meeting that did not get off to a good start was that Colin does really well once he is in a routine.  When things are consistent and he knows what to expect, then we often see a lot of the negative behaviors disappear.  HE gets frustrated when things don't go the way he expects them to and it's quite understandable.  

 

We see LOTS of good behaviors from Colin in how he handles many situations, how he plays with his sister or us, when he is a good listener and follows through with tasks asked of him. 

We know that for Colin, it just takes him longer to learn things (including how to behave) so we will keep pushing through and showing him what we expect. 

We ARE really proud of Colin because he is a really sweet, polite, loving little boy who has really good manners.  We know that he learns best by observing so we will continue to put him in situations in which he is able to observe those correct behaviors we expect of him. 

One example of this is something Colin has picked up on our walks at night lately.  Chris has always acknowledged passing cars with a wave just to be friendly (especially when we are walking in our own neighborhood) and we now notice that when a car is coming and we have both kids "freeze" and move to the side of the road, Colin will also give a little wave as the car passes by. 

ANYTHING is possible when given the right tools...