A Potty Addendum

As I sit here and write tonight, I am feeling the best/most positive about all of this potty business than I have yet in the past 4 days.  Today has been an interesting day culminating in a mid-afternoon breakdown but then improving as the night wore on.  I have been really grateful for all of the feedback that I have received in writing these posts because 1) they have been helpful 2) make me feel like I'm not alone 3) provide insight and ideas and most especially 4) give much needed support to a very challenging task in parenting.  If you are a parent of a child with Down Syndrome and are not a part of of the "Down Syndrome Potty Training" group on facebook, I suggest you join because it's parents supporting parents.  I have been following for awhile now and have found lots of good things on there that parents have tried for kids with Down Syndrome.  

I ventured out this morning with the kids because Colin needed to have blood drawn.  They both stayed dry most of the morning, made it through the blood appointment, and then home without any accidents (about a 45 minute - hour span of time).  I tried to get them on the potty there, but Colin wanted nothing to do with it. I told them I would take them to the playground, so we ventured there after lunch and they both fell asleep on the way there.  DISASTER.  This park has a glorified porta john trailer thing that freaked Colin out, he peed all over my car seat while I was getting Kailey out and not 5 minutes into finally getting into the playground, Kailey came walking over with poop hanging in her underwear.  They cried and fought me, I cried, we all cried and then got home and things simmered down.  (I tried a portable potty chair that we bought years ago but they both hate it.)

"Mommy, take a picture of me and my baby!"

Once everyone regrouped, the afternoon actually went pretty well.  Kailey told me a few times right as she had to go and also had a few small accidents before we actually made it to the potty.  At one point, she yelled that she had already peed and just as I was saying she had to tell me before she had to go, I came around the corner and realized she made it into the bathroom, but had peed all over the floor.  

"Make sure you say cheese baby!"

As day 4 wore on, I noticed some things about Colin.  While it's not an exact time schedule, he only seems to go around the same times every day.  It has been a little helpful in predicting when it's about time for him to go.  It's been good because that way I don't have to bug him as much during the in between times and just check in rather than following him around.  

While the method had detailed NOT asking if they had to go, but rather reminding, I did  start throwing in the question here and there.  I still reminded as often as possible but I think it's necessary to give him some control over when he has to go.  

 Later this afternoon, we had a pretty good moment that made me finally feel like we were going somewhere.  I left Colin for a few minutes on the couch and all of a sudden he said "Mommy, poopies!" so I ran over, asked if he had to go (he said yes) and rushed him to the bathroom.  It's important to note he had already gone on the couch and pooped in his underwear, but he finished the rest on the potty.  Aside from when he was supposed to be getting in bed on previous nights, that is THE FIRST time he has ever said it in the moment that he had to go/was going and was quite proud of himself.

My sister stopped by after work (thank goodness for sanity sake) and she saw the best of it all.  

I noticed at one point that he gone a little drop and asked if he had to go, he said yes, and then happily went with me to the bathroom.  I had another similar moment later on.  He was excited to give Aunt Kimmy a high-5 for making it to the potty and staying dry.  

After a visit from my sister, a run, and some positive moments later, I am finally starting to feel myself again.  

I know that with Colin, we have a pretty long road ahead, but I am feeling encouraged and know that he is catching on to this whole process.  As with anything, I know that he is going to need some extra help getting to the same place that Kailey is just about there with, but we'll make it. 

Before bed tonight, I reminded him in as many ways and words as I could that I am proud of him for what he has accomplished so far.  I know this isn't easy (no one I have ever talked to said it would be) and I am sure I will have more trying days, but I am really proud of him for the progress that he has made so far (I did the same for Kailey too).  

The light at the end of the tunnel is pretty far away, but it's there....

Potty Training Boot Camp Day 3: Synopsis

Last night did not go as well in terms of keeping dry but I still felt Ok about it.  Since I had put them on only an hour after bed the first time and they didn't go, I thought I would wait until later on in the night when I was going to bed.  Both were soaking wet and both went on the potty at our bedtime.  When my alarm went off at 5:45, Colin was dry and went on the potty but Kailey woke up in the midst of all of that crying because she had gone a little and still needed to go. Since Colin hadn't fully emptied, he had a few accidents within a 10 minute span of time before he remained dry.  

I'll be really honest; the day did NOT go as I had expected and by midday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Kailey was generally doing pretty well, but still had yet to tell me and I'd catch her doing the potty dance or after she had gone a little bit before getting her to the potty.  Colin was pretty cooperative until we once again hit the mid morning time frame when he has been seeming to get extra tired.  He got into one of his "zones" where his dangling behavior comes out and he did not want me following him around.  

Throughout the morning, I would catch Colin with the very beginnings of some dribbles (once again, the solid colored underwear significantly helped with this) but he became very agitated when I'd run him to the potty as the method suggested.  He refused to sit, cried every single time he started having an accident, and wouldn't even stand up for me to pull his underwear down.  

He started trying to "hide" from me so that I couldn't check him because he did not want to go to the potty.  

Kailey still had a hard time being told she had an accident.  I tried just pointing out that her underwear was only a little bit wet and really praising her for going on the potty.  She remained dry during her nap and even stayed dry for awhile afterwards without going.

I remained as positive as possible with Colin even though the fight to go to the potty became a challenge.  I started letting the little dribble spots go and instead focused on taking him when I really noticed that he was starting to go.  Because I followed him so intensely all day, he never had a true accident because I got him in the bathroom before he really let himself fully go.  This was a brightspot of the day because I didn't have to clean the couches or floor as much today for either of them.

I was thrilled that lunch time got there so I could at least take a break and sit in one spot after a long morning of following them around and trying to keep them both in the same room at the same time.  

I needed a little pick me up so after lunch was over, we went outside for some fresh air.  I made the mistake of forgetting to tell them they had to go potty before going outside (I was still under the impression that they had to show they had to go and didn't realize until afterwards when I checked the manual again).  Because of this, Kailey had an accident within 10 seconds of getting to the driveway.  I had to scoop them both up to run them into the house causing Kailey to fake cry and Colin to really cry because he didn't want to go back in the house.  

By this point, Colin was overtired so his sensory issues started to come out.  Instead of drawing with chalk, he started biting the chalk and doing other repetitive behaviors like ripping leaves out of the tree and licking the dirt off of his hands.  

By late afternoon I had a not so pretty cry over how things were going (in my defense I was running on a few nights of little sleep and was so stressed over the whole thing) .  While Kailey napped, I obsessively watched Colin while he played with the ipad and tried running him every time he started.  He fought me over and over and/or cried instead.  He would get right back off of the potty and I'd remain positive and point out something to praise him for.  I was starting to feel really overwhelmed like things weren't going to happen the way I was expecting.  

After my good cry, then Kailey crying because I was crying, and Colin telling me to stop crying, we got ourselves to dinner time where I could see the light of bedtime at the end of the day.  I'll be honest again; I felt as though I was failing.  I felt overwhelmed because I wasn't sure what was next.  What do you do on day 4? 5-the next year?  It's pretty clear by this point that it hasn't really clicked with Colin the way it was supposed to.  In the back of my mind, I had anticipated this and had even thought in the beginning that this would hopefully just jump start us but it was still upsetting nonetheless.

I started the process of getting ready for bed really early with baths, potty, teeth, books and songs.  Kailey was settled in bed by 7:00 and I put Colin on the potty one more time.  I got him back in bed, kissed goodnight, and then his shenanigans began.  "Mommy, go poopies!".  I 'd go in, bring him to the potty, he'd go, want his sticker and then give me hugs and kisses.  I'm not lying when I say that he literally earned an extra 11 stickers just because of this (he only had 7 by this point from the entire day!).  I couldn't say no because he was actually communicating that he had to go, and couldn't even cry from my exhaustion at this point because it was hard to resist his smirks when he called me in again and again to go "poopies" (which was actually just peeing).  He is no dummy.  I have to laugh because he was communicating well, proud of himself for going, and smirking when marking his reward chart.  

I do not regret trying this method out because I feel that I was 90% successful with Kailey by the end of day 3.  I have a couple of thoughts about this though.  There are definite clear differences between a typical child and a child with a developmental disability (this sounds like a "duh" moment, but hear me out).  I think it's necessary to have spent the time that we did (a solid year) getting Colin ready for this to have the "language" (signs and/or words) regarding the whole process.  

I think there is much to be said for children with Down Syndrome and poor muscle tone (in this case, of his bladder) because Colin can't really empty fully when he goes.  We have been working on this for a long time now (months) by telling him to keep going even when he stops and says he's all done.  This was evident to me on the multiple trips to the bathroom at bedtime.  I also think that created frustrations throughout the day because I don't think he realizes sometimes when he starts to go.  Through the whole manual, it is repeated that you need to devote your time to your child so that you recognize their signs.  Kailey has clear signs but I have literally stared at Colin for 3 days straight and I would say that 95% of the time, there is absolutely no change in his demeanor when he starts to go.  He really didn't have any signs so I don't think he can always control when he goes. 

Despite the fact that I cried today and I don't feel totally confident by this point of the day, there are positives.  We are better off with the potty and underwear than when we started.  They both remained pretty dry throughout the day (although both still need to be reminded and no one is really telling me, well, except Colin at bedtime) with no true bad accidents.  I feel Kailey probably has one more day of this and then she'll really have it down.  However, with Colin, I feel that we have some decisions to make.  What's next?  Do we try to get him on a schedule (which goes against the method)? Do we use pullups when needed (I really, really, really do not want to revert back to diapers)? Do we suck up the many accidents he's probably still left to have? What do we do about school? What will day 4 bring?  I know we will keep trudging through and I know that I let my emotions get the best of me today but I can honestly say that this is THE hardest/most challenging thing I have done yet.  I will keep you posted because we aren't done yet!

Potty Training Boot Camp Day 2

Potty Training Boot Camp Day 2 started off promising but I didn't feel so great about it later on in the day.  While I didn't get much sleep (Chris was away for work) because I was up listening for sounds that indicated they had to go AND because I was cleaning up accidents and changing sheets, I felt that the night went relatively well.  The 3 Day Potty Training Method says for night time training to put them on the potty an hour after they go to bed (which I did but neither went) however tonight I am going to try it when I go to bed which is several hours later.  I had just fallen asleep and checked on them at 1:30 am (they were both dry) when Colin came walking in at 1:50 wet.  I put him on the potty and he went and was more than happy to put a sticker on the chart at that time.  We changed the sheets and he went right back to sleep.  I heard Kailey around 2:30 so I rushed in there just as she had started to go and got her onto the potty to finish.  I still had to change her sheets but it wasn't as wet.  

I had set my alarm for 5:30am, which is approximately an hour before Colin gets up on a regular basis, and stupidly ignored it.  Colin started calling out at 6:15ish and when I went in there, he was sitting on the end of his bed soaking wet.  He still managed to go on the potty as well and was still happy.  I woke Kailey up shortly after and she was dry!  She also went when I put her on.  

Afterwards, I had them collect all of the dirty underwear and sheets and help me put them into the washer to clean them up.  

They were more than happy to oblige so I was actually excited for the day even though I was exhausted.

After watching some shows, we played some games on the floor and everyone was really happy and silly.  I caught them both at the start of accidents and both were willing to go.  

Just as it happened yesterday, mid-late morning was when things started to go downhill pretty quickly for Colin.  When I caught him starting to go and rushed him a little bit later, he started crying and not wanting to sit.  The method says not to force them or leave them on there if they aren't going, so I remained positive and let him get off.  Well, he obviously  hadn't finished so he'd get back to the family room, start going, and I would rush him back to the bathroom.  Because I kept interrupting his preferred task, the crying became harder and harder and the screaming of "I don't want" got louder and louder with each time (this "one" pee took about 10-15 pairs of underwear...literally).  Accidents are part of the learning process according to the method.  

Kailey is willing to go when you scoop her up and rush her there when you catch her, but she gets this nervous face and if you use the word accident (which you are supposed to do), she starts to get upset/pretend cry.  I reassure her and tell her it's ok (especially since she went almost every single time on the potty today).  

I tried to fill the day with different activities but with Colin especially, most of those are short lived.  The easiest thing to keep their attention for longer periods of time is to watch Finding Nemo or Beauty and the Beast but even then, I'm still following Colin around to watch for the start of an accident.  Believe me, it gets old after awhile.  

I tried painting shells with them but Colin just put the paint in his mouth and didn't actually paint the shell so that lasted all of about 2 minutes (Kailey loved it though).  

Kailey has taken a nap the past 2 days and both times stayed dry throughout (about an hour nap).  During the 2 minutes that I was putting Kailey in for her nap, Colin was in my room and when I came out, he walked up to me and said he was wet as he was going.  The rest of the day, I counted down hours to bedtime while I trailed them around the house constantly checking for accidents.  I would definitely recommend underwear that is a solid color to spot the beginning of an accident more easily. Although the themed underwear is adorable, it is really hard to just spot the start of wetness without constantly checking in other ways (REALLY aggravates them).  I LOVE mealtimes so that I can just sit there next them and have them in one place to check on them.  

During Colin's mopier times, he was constantly trying to move away from me every time I got close.  That actually made me laugh.  

The late afternoon to early evening is better but by that point, Colin is overtired from a lack of nap (and so am I).  By that point, the crying is minimal when I bring him to the bathroom and he is accepting of praise again.  

Overall, day 2 has been really, really rough.  There have been LOTS of accidents and even though it is part of the learning process it is really frustrating.  Colin's crying is really tough but I am still positive with him. There were many parts today that I felt as though it isn't going to happen in just three days but I will remain positive and hope for the best by bed time tomorrow.  To be honest, just being inside for 2 whole days so far has been really difficult.  However, I am afraid to do too much outside because that is really a preferred task and then it will be really hard to watch both of them for accidents.  If I had to do it all over again, I am not sure that I would choose to do both at the same time again.  I am glad to do it for now but it is definitely a challenge.  

And even with all of the difficulties, at the end of the day, I tucked Colin into bed and he said to me "potty Mommy?".  So, we got out of bed, went to the bathroom and he went and excitedly put his sticker on the chart.  I got him all tucked back in again, left the room and heard "Mommy?".  I went back in and he asked to go again so I took him, he went, and put his sticker on.  The whole thing happened one more time where he asked to go potty and then stayed in bed.  I had to laugh because the only time he asked to go was when he was all tucked in.  Silly boy.  

I honestly think that Kailey will be close to done if not done by tomorrow night.  I do think that Colin is not always fully aware that he is going but I also think he is exercising some control because a lot of times I'll just notice a small wet spot and nothing more and he will finish on the potty.  We'll see what day 3 brings!