Restoring

To say that the past few weeks have been challenging would be an understatement.  Change has a way of knocking on the door whether you are ready or not (I should have learned that when Colin was born!).  Unfortunately, the kids have also gone through some shifts in routine and structure and will take awhile to rebuild that again.  However, so many bright spots to the difficulties are very slowly emerging.  I am amazed at the resiliency of so many people that have done they can to help others when they themselves have suffered loss.  I am so proud to be a part of a community that is doing what they can to help make individuals, families, homes, towns, boardwalks, etc. what they once were.  

While my kids do not know directly what has happened, they have showed their difficulties to the adjustments in a couple of different ways.  Kailey has been incredibly whiny and needy (which was also induced by a cold) and has become a bit more dramatic when things don't go exactly how she wants them too.  However, once her school reopened this past Monday, they have done an amazing job in keeping things as structured and "routine" as possible which has certainly helped.  

Colin on the other hand, has definitely made some steps backwards in progress we had made.  We have had to put a halt on the potty training because in timing with the storm hitting, he would just cry when we would put him on the potty even though he hadn't been like that.  Then we were on the move and things were constantly changing, so we just decided to wait to start it up again when things were "normal".  While he hasn't necessarily been bad, his behavior hasn't been what it was like before and one of the biggest changes we have seen has been bedtime.  I have  never heard the crying and screaming from him regarding bedtime EVER that he has put on in the past week.  His bedtime has been so late and it takes a lot of work to get him to fall asleep.  He has even woken up a few times in the middle of the night screaming "NO!".  

Since Colin's public school preschool program has been closed for two weeks, we were hoping that being in the daycare would at least help get back to some sort of routine.  However, the entire week he was put into a different classroom with kids that were 5 & 6 (and maybe some a bit older).  Most of the kids in his class were in a different room and when I asked about it, there was no reasoning as to why that was the case.  The one day at the end of the week when I dropped him off, he screamed such bloody murder (never happened before, anywhere) and NO ONE went over to comfort him while I left.  I ended up only leaving him there for an hour and a half and then went and got him because I couldn't take it anymore.  We ended up withdrawing him from the school yesterday and honestly feel like it's a weight that has been lifted from our shoulders.  We are so excited that he will be going back to the place we love and the one he has been in since he was a baby.  We of course have some logistics to work out since it is out of district, but it was something that needed to be done because he was unhappy and there were a LOT of things that have been building with time.  WE were unhappy and knew it wasn't best for him.  Maybe that contributed to sleeping problems??

It seems like things will be resuming on Monday, so we are so looking forward to getting him back in our "normal" routine again.  I know that for ALL of the kids in our area, they need routine and structure again in their lives...(I know that I do too!)

Colin's Preschool Picture...so serious!!

Normal

normal: usual; regular; natural

In looking up the definition of normal in the dictionary, it says that it is something that is regular and natural.  To me, normal means feeling comfortable in whatever routine has been established to get through the day by day activities.  Nothing really feels normal right now as everything comfortable has been disrupted. While we are finally settled back at home with our power, the kids don't have routines.  Colin and I can not return to our public schools until at least Monday the 12th (with rumors circulating that Colin may not return until the 19th).  My kids may not understand what is happening to so many friends and family members but they do know that the usual, regular and natural routines of our days have been disrupted until we can all pull out of this initial wreckage that Sandy has caused.  

Many still do not have homes.  Many have been relocated to new places.  Some have not been able to adequately clean up what Sandy left behind.  And while some of us call ourselves fortunate, things still do not feel like normal and may not for a long time.  

When Sandy came through, one of the things that was destroyed in her wake was the tradition of Halloween.  Many towns rescheduled it for today if possible as per the governor which caused a lot of debates to circulate on media outlets.  We decided for ourselves that we were not going to have the kids walk around our neighborhood and because Kailey had her parade at school, we didn't up going to some of the safe alternative options.  However, Colin and Kailey were in their costumes while some of the kids came around to our house.  

While I saw both sides to the argument because many are still without power or in the position to be handing out candy, I also understood that many parents wanted to provide their children with some sort of normal.  Regardless of whether or not kids like school, it is part of a routine that has been changed in all of their lives. The older children understand that their friends lives have changed who have been in some of the hardest hit areas.  I was happy to hand out candy to the kids that came around to our house.  For them, it was an attempt at normalcy again, to get out of the house and do something that was usual and regular again.  It was a chance to have fun and be happy and even smile....

I know my kids enjoyed it!

Hanging In...

3 days after the brunt of the storm has passed has brought about a lot of uncertain conditions.  As I mentioned before, our house thankfully withstood Sandy, however, we are still without power and have been given time lines that could extend the return of it over a week from now.  Colin and Kailey's day cares are both closed indefinitely and both Colin's and my school districts will remain closed until at least November 12th.  Most of the schools in the area are operating as shelters for those that have lost everything and many remain without power themselves.  Fueling up cars and generators has been a challenge with a lot of gas stations shut down and most having lines with a minimum wait of 30 minutes (upwards of 2-3 hours).  Chris and I traveled to NY state from my parents home (my hometown of Vernon sits on the border of NY state) to fill up on gas and still waited an hour.  

We have spent two nights at a friends through Sandy, one night in our own home and since that was very cold for the kids, left for my parents and have been here one night so far (with plans to stay at least another night).  While I am grateful for the safety  of my family and home and the small blessings that I see pop up, it has been very challenging on the children.  It's funny because we often feel and find that children are very resilient through these types of situations, however, the lack of structure and routine has been evident in their behaviors and actions.  Unfortunately, Kailey has been fighting a cold for days which has left her exceptionally whiny and cranky and they both seem to find anything they can get their hands on which will cause trouble.  Their moments of getting along are few and far between and my stress level has only grown with time.  There is only so much we can do to pass the time.  

I fight back tears as I write this because I feel horrible venting about the problems we face since they seem so minimal compared to so many around me.  It is an extremely stressful situation that I know we will get through, but doesn't make it any easier while we are in it.  Our options are pretty limited at the moment.  I am willing to try anything, but even things like crafts and coloring last 2 minutes and then they are done.  Since tensions are thin, I crave normalcy and I know we are a ways away from that at the moment.    

Hurricane Sandy

There have been so many times where I have watched devastation on TV from some area and felt sad for those affected, but still felt "safe" in my life because I just never expected it to happen here.  However, with Hurricane Sandy came the devastation that I have only seen in other places.  

When the warnings started coming about the approaching hurricane, Chris and I decided that we were going to stay in our house because although we are close to the ocean, we are still about 5-6 miles away.  The winds were predicted to be bad everywhere, so we didn't think evacuating was going to be necessary.  we stocked up on necessary supplies and were prepared.  However, before the actual storm hit, the initial storm surges of the ocean were pushing water and causing major flooding already.  We are about 1,000 ft from the Manasquan river which feeds directly into the ocean.  When we saw the flooding that was already taking place down the street earlier in the day on Sunday, we quickly decided it was going to be necessary to leave with concerns that with the actual hurricane would come flooding that we never could have anticipated for our area.  We sit at a higher elevation than the actual river, however, we just didn't know what was to come.  

The restaurant at the entrance to our development on the Manasquan River.

In a last minute decision, we quickly threw some things in a bag, grabbed the cottage cheese from the fridge (that in itself had me in a panic since it's one of the only things he eats) and headed up to our friends Jorie and Zach's house.  Thankfully they took care of us through the brunt of the storm and it helped because they had a generator that #1 kept the cottage cheese cold and #2 allowed us to charge our phones to stay connected. We ended up having to stay for 2 nights because even when the brunt of the storm had passed, many roads were impassable and without power, felt no urgency to rush home.  

 

After two nights, we headed back to the place we call home.  Although the images we had been seeing through the storm were terrifying, the emotions did not truly kick in until we were home and saw how so many were affected around us.  You know those memories that you hold so close to your heart of the places that you love so much? I'm sure you know them well but for me, those memories include going to a place I have loved my entire life.  Trips to the beach for the summer, rides on the boardwalk, ice cream, watching the sun set on the bay, family, our wedding, babies on the beach, spending so many days with the kids on the beach, walks along the ocean, family parties, and the list goes on and on and on...There has been complete destruction of the places that have built so many happy memories for me.  

My siblings and I approximately 22 years ago...

Chris, Colin, Kailey and I this past summer...

Pictures on the beach in Bay Head (a very badly hit area) in 2007...

Our family summer 2011...

I feel heartbroken and sad because there is so much loss.  Friends, family, and students have lost their homes, many still don't have power, many are cleaning up their homes from serious flooding and some are sitting in shelters because they don't have anywhere else to go.  I am beyond grateful that my family is safe and the extent of damage to our home is very minimal...

The tree over our house being supported by the shed.

Another view of the tree and siding...

The shed that took the brunt of the force...THANKFULLY.

But those that were not as lucky...

Sand through the streets, minimal beach left...homes that have been ruined.

Seaside Heights boardwalk that has been ripped apart (the roller coaster sitting in the water was mine and my siblings favorite ride growing up)

The bridge I have taken to get to the beach that connects from my town too many times to count, now deemed unsafe with many homes that have simply disappeared in the path the ocean created to the bay.

Another view in Mantoloking...we have driven this road for many summers to and from the beach...

The road is just gone...

The part of our town on the ocean that has been destroyed by fires...

However, as with any tragedy, a community will rally together to support those we love.  I have spent days in tears over the destruction, but just as many tears have been shed in gratefulness for those that have offered to us their homes, showers, companionship, even when they themselves have suffered.  I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of the notes, emails, and texts that we have received checking in on us to make sure we are safe and offering your prayers.  Just today, I have shed tears over the guys in 7-11 who hooked up a generator and busted their butts to make sure the coffee was filled since no one had power and seeing the line of utility companies from Ohio who left their families to help us dig out and get back up and running again. I have seen so many stories of hope and support, those volunteering their time, providing food, making rescues, cleaning up, and so on...

And in any tragedy, we should all take our lead from the kids who are so innocent....I can't tell you how many times Colin has gone up to one of us, me especially when in tears, and patted me on the back to say "you okay?".  They are the ones who keep smiling, even when cold or hungry or confused about what's going on.  

I know that the residents of NJ and our beach communities will rally together in support of each other in an effort to reach out to those that have been displaced and suffered loss.  We will follow the lead of those that have remained positive, even when they have lost everything.

I am so thankful that my family and friends are safe, that the extent of my "loss" was a shed, some siding, a tree and a refrigerator filled with food, but my heart goes out to all of those who have truly lost....

31 for 21: Monkeying Around (28)

Our little monkey...

31 for 21: Reach for the Sky (27)

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Dear Colin,

The world is yours for rockin'.
No looking back, no stopping.
Make it everything you want it to be.
I like to play guitar, 
I think I'll go far.
We'll share our music in every city.

You gotta love what you do.
Make every note ring true, now.
Sing it from your heart.
Inside we are all stars.

Reach for the sky.
Show everybody what we can do.
It's our time to shine.
Just take a chance and believe in you.
The music's contagious,
This feelings outrageous,
We're making our dreams come true.
Hold your hopes high.
Reach for the sky.

Keep the music playing.
turn the volume up, crank it.
We got so many tools to share with you.
Yeah! Move to the beat
Get Up! Dane in the street.
Watch out! The Fresh Beat Band's coming through.


You gotta love what you do.
Make every note ring true, now.
Sing it from your heart.
Inside we are all stars.



Reach for the sky.
Show everybody what we can do.
It's our time to shine.
Just take a chance and believe in you.
The music's contagious,
This feelings outrageous,
We're making our dreams come true.
Hold your hopes high.
Reach for the sky.

We love you!!
Love,
Mommy, Daddy, and Kailey

31 for 21: Friday (26)

So many things are swirling around in my head on this Friday.  I am completely filled with worry over this upcoming Hurricane that is about to hit the coast of NJ on Monday.  It's one thing when it's just you and your husband hunkering down somewhere but throw some little kids into the mix and the anxiety level goes through the roof!  I have as many supplies that will help us as I can, but I also worry about the power going out and the ONLY foods Colin eats are refrigerated.  So, lots to think about and only hope that things are not as bad as they are making it seem.  "Historic proportions" did not feel so encouraging when I read it earlier today.  

Colin's language has really been continuing to improve lately.  There are so many words that are emerging and with time, I know that it will come easier to him.  I just wish sometimes I could understand some of the things he has been trying to say because the poor guy gets so frustrated when we don't know.  

It's hard to believe Down Syndrome awareness month is coming to a close soon! More to come over the last few days (given that I still have an internet connection/power!)!